Confession: I can get overwhelmed easily.
It’s usually a perfect storm of lack of sleep or being hangry, something not going to plan, and more demands or deadlines than I anticipated. It definitely worsened after I became a mom. (Remind me to blog about my post-partem anxiety sometime). I think it comes with being an overachiever or goal-getter.
I think in terms of to-do lists, and rightly or wrongly, how I feel about myself on any given day, at any given moment, is tied directly to how much I have accomplished on those lists. Notice the plural, lists – work and personal are the most used.
The problem with measuring yourself by your to-do lists is that it can be a Catch 22. If you have too much to do and can’t accomplish all of it, then you can feel pretty crappy about yourself. But if your joy is getting things done, then having a limited to-do list can feel too…limiting. Plus, without a list, how do you remember what you need or want to do?
My solution? Be realistic, strategic. And prioritize relentlessly.
With respect to an actual to-do list, it’s really important to discern what is a must-do vs. a can-do-later-it-won’t-kill-me vs. a “if-I-do-this, it-will-make-me-feel-like-a-bad@$$.” This will help you prioritize.
I put all my true must-dos on today, and add an optional “mood-booster” and then list the “can-do laters.” Note: you probably should only have 1-2, maybe 3 must-dos tops – otherwise you may be setting yourself up for feeling like a failure. If you really have that many “must-dos,” I suggest negotiation of the deadline and if that doesn’t work, delegation. And if that still doesn’t work, then you obviously have only your must-dos and lots and lots of coffee (cause it’s going to be a long day/night).
So my list could look something like this:
- Research/respond to client’s questions
- Prepare for tomorrow’s presentation
- Pickup entryway
- Write a blog post
- Reschedule derm appt
So the first two are must-dos – they are deadline driven or customer-driven. If I get those done and nothing else, that’s totally fine. If I have more time, then of the three options left, I may want to choose the one that will give me the most joy or rewarding feeling. For example, the “pickup entryway” is not a must-do, but it’s a definite mood-booster. That means when I do it, I feel infinitely better and more energized because shoes/socks/jackets/old cheerios/junk mail are not punching me in the face as soon as I walk in the door after a long day. Note: to make this mood-booster even better, I’ll listen to Beyonce and light a candle – engaging in a full sensory experience (we will talk about mindfulness in the future) for 10 minutes tops. And the last two are things I want to do, but they could move to the next day if I needed (assuming my derm appt is not tomorrow).
The way it works is if I happen to get it all done, then I’m feeling like a superhero, but if I only manage to do the must-dos, at least I won’t feel like a failure because I did what had to be done. The rest moves over to the next day. The trick of the mood-booster is that it’s short, achievable and for me, the exponential value of walking into a clear, inviting space can make the difference between a present, engaged, playful mama and a stressed-out, irritable mama who starts Disney+ as soon as she gets her tots in the door.
I should probably mention something else. The above is how I tackle a day at a time. So the above is Monday’s list and what doesn’t get done may roll over to Tuesday’s list, but I need to mention that I had already previewed this week on last Friday to come up with all the things I want to get done this week.
Maybe it’s easier to look forward instead of backward. So usually on Friday morning, I look at my calendar at the next week. If something is due on next Monday, I make sure that I do it Friday or over the weekend. I also make sure all the must-dos are parsed out on each day so that all the deadlines are met. Then I will plug in my optionals on Monday and just carry them over each day.
At the end of the day, everyone has their own system, but the takeaways are the same:
- Be realistic about how much you can really accomplish in a day. Be aware of the time you need for each item and block out the time accordingly in your schedule.
- Be strategic about what is on your list, beyond the deadlines. Do you need a mood-booster? Or maybe if you knock out more “low-hanging fruit” like pay X bill, reschedule appointment, send card, buy Amazon gift for birthday party, you’ll feel more accomplished (assuming you don’t use these to procrastinate) and energized to tackle bigger things.
- Be flexible. Things will always come in unexpectedly (it’s life!) and you need to be able to prioritize accordingly. It helps if you are not overscheduled already.
- Speaking of life, something that has helped me keep things in perspective: the WeCroak app. While being reminded daily about one’s own mortality may not be everyone’s cup of tea, reading quotes about the fact that our time is finite on earth really keeps me from full meltdown just because my groceries weren’t delivered. It also reminds me to be present with my tots, instead of worrying about my to-do list when I’m with them.
Here’s to happy(ier) listing!
