Over the past couple of weeks, I have had a few mentoring sessions where my mentees have shared how they feel “stuck.” While they are grateful to have a job, especially during these pandemic times, they know deep down that it’s not their Dream Job. For those of you that may also be feeling this way, this post is for you.
My first thought is that the very idea that there is just one Dream Job or THE Dream Job is a false one. The very concept that there can only be one, your entire life, is extremely limiting, and if you’re a Type-A, goal-getter that may have perfectionist tendencies like myself – it can be a setup for perceived failure.
Think about it —
Aren’t we supposed to learn and grow?
And as we live and learn and change, shouldn’t our dreams also be able to change with us?
That’s why the very question of “what do you want to be when you grow up” is actually a terrible one. It presupposes that there is only one answer–when in real life–it can be lots of answers over your lifetime.
My second thought is that once you remove the self-imposed, family-imposed, or society-imposed constraint of having only one dream, then dig deeper into why you feel stuck.
- Is it because you aren’t growing or being challenged – because you’re bored at work?
- Is it because there aren’t opportunities to move up or to be a leader?
- Is it the industry? Not what you thought it’d be?
- Is it the hours, compensation, or who you work for or with?
The answers are obviously going to be different for different people, but you’d be amazed at how many people have expressed their dissatisfaction on where they are in their career without truly unpacking why.
By the way, no judgment – I was one of them.
At the surface level, it’s the hours, or it’s the pay, or its the team, but when asked a follow up question like, “well, if you got paid X more, worked X less hours, or worked with different people, would you really be more fulfilled?” Often to our own surprise, the answer is no.
That’s why I use the word “unpack.”
It is so easy to metaphorically “clock in and out” and get your paycheck, or if you’re a young lawyer, put your head down and bill away, only to look up and 3-5 years have completely passed you by.
What I have found to be personally true is that too often, we as human beings can go “automatic,” especially once we have put our “perfect plan” for the future in place and we forget to stop periodically to check in with ourselves and ask:
- Is this still something that fulfills me?
- If it doesn’t fulfill me, does it still serve me and my purpose?
- Do I still want what I thought I wanted X years ago?
I find this especially true of lawyers.
It’s probably because we worked so hard to earn our degree, and worked so hard to find someone to hire us using that degree, and then work even harder to learn how to be a great lawyer (which may not be related to the degree) — that to take a moment to reflect upon whether we even like the job can seem like a preposterous question because like in the movie — Harold & Kumar, you may feel like you’ve gone too far to question the path you’ve chosen…
But the only way to get unstuck is to ask yourself these hard questions.
And trust me, they can be really hard, especially if you have never taken the time to think about it. But you gotta do the work. (By the way, if this seems daunting, a good mentor or a professional coach may be able to help. It certainly helped me).
Over four years ago, I remember saying that I loved my private practice, but I would be happier if it were less hours.
And that was true, but at the same time, that was just the surface.
When I dug deeper, it wasn’t just the hours. I also didn’t care for dealing with difficult opposing counsel or endless (mindless) discovery. And to keep it real – hated the need to bill.
Equally important is figuring out what excites-delights-fills up your soul.
What is it that when you do the work or project, you lose all track of time? Or even if you’re exhausted, devoting your time to it gives you energy and life? Don’t forget what are you good at. What comes naturally to you? What do you bring to the table that is uniquely yours?
Through the reflection, I discovered that what I really enjoyed about being a lawyer was being helpful — providing advice and counsel to prevent issues in the first place. What I loved to do and what came easy to me was developing relationships with clients and helping them fulfill their why. What I was good at? Leading boards, committees and teams to execute on complex community projects. Seeing, mentoring and coaching those around me.
And so here I am, at one of my dream jobs – in-house counsel at a company that aligns with my core values — a job that I would have never had the thought to seek if I had kept my head down, in my tunnel vision, toward partner track. (By the way, the year I was up for shareholder, was the year I left. Maybe don’t wait that long).
So you really wanna get unstuck?
Then dare to dream more than one dream.
And get to work.
