Help is not a bad word.
Asking for help does not make me a weak person.
Accepting help does not make me any less.
Confession: even as I type these words, I am having a hard time believing them.
Allow me to share with you why I am repeating these new mantras in an attempt to create new positive neural pathways in my brain……
This past Monday was a particularly hard Monday.
I felt like I started off strong: wrote in my Five Minute gratitude journal, set my intention for the day with some Headspace, and for whatever reason (probably hubris), the wheels started falling off soon after my first conference call.
It ran late, which domino-effected later calls. And while I’m on back to back calls, the emails start piling in, followed by Skype instant messages and constant pings from client text messages, all with urgent requests…
It was like I couldn’t find my stride – and to top it off, I felt like I was stumbling over my own feet. The overwhelm was, well…..overwhelming.
And like a heaven-sent gift, a colleague (but let’s be clear – she is leadership, my boss’s equal, clearly levels above) offers to help with drafting a document, and before I even know what’s happening, I respond to the offer quickly with a cheery, “Thanks so much! I got it. Happy to help!”
The offer of sweet ambrosia from the gods happen again — the response – something along the line of “I know you’ve been working a lot and you probably want to spend some time with your sweet babies. Happy to help with the first draft….”
And my dumb, Big-firm trained automatic response was, “No worries! Won’t take me long to knock it out! Thanks so much though!” My overuse of exclamations was telling…..
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Why, you ask?
I ended up working over 14 hours that day.
Not over that single document, of course.
It was all the missed emails and work product that I already had to do, which did not include small, quick requests that came up during the day.
Why didn’t I just accept help?
Instead, the next day I was disengaged and irritable. By mid-morning, I sobbed over my keyboard. At least I didn’t pick a fight with my husband or yell at my toddlers (been working on that), but it’s heartbreaking when my four year old tells my two year old to be quiet cause Mommy’s tired from working a lot.
Moral of the story?
Don’t do as I do.
Don’t just grin and bear it.
It causes more harm than good.
Easier said than done, but I’m going to start with small steps — being authentic and vulnerable. Maybe that leads to an offer of help. But even if it doesn’t, at least I don’t have the added stress of having to pretend like I have it all together 100% of the time.
And please, if someone genuinely offers you help (you know the difference) and you need it, accept it.
We could all use a little more grace.
